Doctor Air
by Rosethorn
Summary: Doctor Who, as it would have aired in the Avatar universe. No, I have absolutely no intention of explaining this. Obviously crack.


DOCTOR AIR

New Series

Season 1, Episode 5

Analogues

Doctor Air: Christopher Eccleston

Qiang Wei: Billie Piper

Li Lee: John Barrowman

Firelord Sozin: Simon Pegg

Teaser:

Camera on Sozin as he outlines his plot for taking over the entire nation to someone off screen. He mentions the death of the Avatar and the danger of the Air Kingdoms, says something about "the task you were born for." He may mention that it was emotions that brought down the Avatar and nearly brought him down. Long, wonderful, impassioned, menacing monologue, beautifully performed. He turns around, says, "And you will help me defeat them."

Cut to a Dalek. "AFFIRMATIVE."

Credits!

Inside the TARDIS. The Doctor is working on part of the console with his sonic screwdriver and a sensitive bit of airbending. Qiang Wei is sitting in a seat about a quarter of the console away, her feet up, fiddling with her jacket and staring up at the ceiling. Lee enters with two mugs. He leans down by Qiang Wei and offers her one. 

LEE: Tea?

Qiang Wei smiles gratefully up at him and takes it. 

QIANG WEI: Thanks, luv.

The Doctor pokes his head out from under the console.

DOCTOR: Ooh, thanks, I'll take that…

LEE: None for you, this is mine.

DOCTOR: Ungrateful brat.

LEE: You're not pretty enough, bigears. (He winks and sips his tea) 

Qiang Wei preens. The Doctor scowls, flicks a bit of air at Lee, and knocks the cup onto the grating.

LEE: Hey!

DOCTOR: (pats the Tardis) There you go, old girl, cup of tea. (He slides out from under the console) Anyway, I've fixed the regulator! Where d'you want to go?

There is much chatter and banter about where to go; eventually they settle on Zuko Peacemaker's time. The Doctor sets the coordinates, spins the dial, and… EXPLOSION. Everyone is shaken about and knocked over. The lights go out. In the darkness…

QIANG WEI: What was that?

The Doctor swears. Lee laughs helplessly from his position somewhere underneath the grating. Qiang Wei sighs resignedly and goes around helping everyone up. The Doctor has somehow managed to blow out all the monitors, so they must go outside to see where they are. They walk right into the middle of a bunch of Fire Nation soldiers. Oops.

Cut to:

Sozin is talking with one of the Daleks, outlining the plan. We get frustrating little details but nothing concrete. A soldier comes in after a few seconds and announces the prisoners; he says they have demanded to see the Fire Lord. Sozin says for them to come in and gestures the Dalek to the back of the room.

The Doctor, Qiang Wei, and Lee are escorted in. Sozin demands to know who they are and where they're from. The Doctor and Lee lie outrageously, while Qiang Wei says nothing and eyes the Dalek behind them nervously. She slips her hands into one each of the Doctor's and Lee's. 

Sozin has clearly concluded that the Doctor and company are spies for one of the other Nations, possibly Airbenders. He gestures to the soldiers and tells them to take the others away. 

Cut to:

The Doctor, Qiang Wei and Lee in a dungeon. The Doctor is making several sarcastic comments on the state of Sozin's dress, habits, and probable ancestry; Lee is flirting with every guard he can find; Qiang Wei appears deep in thought. 

DOCTOR: (notices that Qiang Wei has said nothing) Here, are you all right?

QIANG WEI: Hmm? Oh! Yes, I'm fine, I was only thinking… Doctor, what was that thing in the back of the room? It was watching me the whole time.

LEE: (returning from an unsuccessful flirtation) You're surprised that someone would watch you? Sweetheart! I haven't been doing my job.

DOCTOR: Shut up, you, she's got a point. It… didn't look right. 

QIANG WEI: (nodding enthusiastically) Yes, exactly! It almost looked like a robot, but they haven't developed those yet, have they?

DOCTOR: No. They've not even started working with metal really. We're still about ten years off widespread metal ships, let alone robots.

LEE: (seriously) I did notice that. Want to know something else?

DOCTOR: Please.

LEE: Peng over there? (he nods at the guard he has just been flirting with) He told me that thing's new. Some creation of Sozin's; says it's going to win the war for them.

DOCTOR: (goes suddenly very still) …Lee, did he say what it was called?

LEE: Yes. A Dalek.

DOCTOR: …we have to get out of here.

Cut to:

An exciting escape scene. Lee displays a startling knowledge of human anatomy, similar to Ty Lee, as well as firebending carefully and specifically. The Doctor uses only his sonic screwdriver and a solid punch or two; as he points out to Lee during this scene, he'd rather not get outed and killed as an airbender. Qiang Wei spends most of the time running, but she does take out three firebenders by herself using only a chair. 

Cut to:

The trio bursts into Sozin's throne room. It is seemingly empty but for the Tardis, sitting along the wall, as if the soliders didn't know what to do with it. They rush towards it.

DOCTOR: _Fantastic._ In, you two, and don't come out until I say you can!

LEE: (skids to a halt) Just what are you planning on doing?

DOCTOR: None of your business. Go on, get…

QIANG WEI: No! You're going to go an' do something stupid, aren't you? I'm not letting you go by yourself.

LEE: Yeah, you'll get killed, and in case you've forgotten, you're the only one that can pilot that thing. (He hitches a thumb at the Tardis)

DOCTOR: Oi! Don't call her a thing, you'll hurt her feelings! I do regenerate, you know.

LEE: Yeah, and I don't want to get stuck raising you. You can't fly the Tardis when you're a baby, either.

QIANG WEI: No, I'm with him. 

DOCTOR: Mutiny…

SOZIN: (emerging from the shadows) It hardly matters, I'm afraid.

(The Doctor, Qiang Wei, and Lee whirl to stare at him; he smiles sadly)

SOZIN: You're a bit older than I had expected. How did Roku manage that one?

DOCTOR: …er, what?

SOZIN: Did you think I would not know you, Avatar? (he snaps his fingers and a pair of Daleks appear) I really am sorry about this, if it helps at all.

DALEKS: EX-TER-MIN-ATE!

(To be continued. Closing credits.)


End file.
